Keeping with the theme of serious.

[Blog #9]

Just now I was thinking about stupid things that we do in our pasts.

Not like, mistakes per say, the way our minds worked in a certain time period. And how looking back, you almost feel embarrassed for yourself. Like the times you thought you knew everything, the times you thought you were in love, the times you thought the decision you were making was totally logical, or even the times you thought that outfit looked good.

I remember a time when I thought I knew everything because tragedy struck my life at a really inconvenient time. I was entitled to know everything. I also thought that because of my circumstance I was mature enough to know what it was like to be in love. And I was certain that I was in love with the boy with the guitar, when I was 15.

I remember a time when I thought my life was over because I was grounded during the weekend of the big game A time when I thought it would be cool to spend my whole junior year not caring about my appearance, by wearing pajamas and not brushing my hair. Oh and then I thought I was in love at least 3 more times during high school.

I remember when I was about to graduate high school, and I was laying on my bedroom floor and I was crying because I was certain that my family didn't love me anymore because of what a huge disappointment I was.

I remember a time when my happiness rested in my current man situation. A time when everything fell apart because I was living my life so irrationally for being the tender age of 18. And I was certain that there was nothing to live for. I remember finally turning to God because trying to hold everything up on my own was just unbearable.

I remember trying to get it right countless times, and still not having it perfected. But I remember finally accepting that giving it my best was good enough for the Lord and that Jesus would fill in the blanks with the power of the atonement.

And I remember finally knowing what it was like to be happy, really happy, being in the Gospel.

I remember learning that things would never be perfect or easy, but they would always fall into place, even if you had to struggle to get there.

My life as I know it, is in a constant state of change. Often times I long for consistency. But when I finally embrace it, I can see that truly the most beautiful fascinating thing any human being can experience is the challenge and struggle of life.