my desperate needs.

Desperate Need #1: To Nurture
Lately I've not been able to feel a complete sense of fufillment. I was discussing this with my gentleman lover and it hit me like a fist hitting a woman who talks back, I need to take care of something. My estrogenic genetics are screaming at me and beating me from the inside out. Do I need a baby? Yes. Could I handle a baby at this moment in time? No. Especially because I am not married. So, I'll settle for a dog. (pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?)

Desperate Need #2: Attention
Now, when I say that I need attention, I don't mean that I am going to take my top off and dance around on your grandma's kitchen table. I don't enjoy NEGATIVE attention, nor do I enjoy TOO much attention. With that said, perhaps it's not that I enjoy being the center of attention, but simply the very near outskirts of the center of attention. Which is why Jamie Giddens is my bestie.

Desperate Need #3: Taylor Giddens Affection
This is not a desperate need that I am in short supply of. Because Although I may not see him everyday, he makes up for the lost time. Just ask all the nauseated onlookers around us. Love youuuuuuu!!

Desperate Need #4: To Be Liked
Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.

Desperate Need #5: To Be Impressed
Everything around me needs to impress me. Clothes. Humor. Music. etc. Now, not to say that I am materialistic. I just ENJOY being amused, but I am an avid supporter of mediocrity. Which is why I love mullets, tuxedo t-shirts, and average grades. Impressing me is not difficult, unless you're a female.

ANTHONY, the grass is GREENer on the circa side.

i have every intention of writing a post tomorrow about my life and what's not going on in it. but i just wanted to vent for a small moment.

i am about to throw out a rant that will only be appreciated and read by no one, except ashley if she could read it. but it will make me feel better to get it out, even if it's like screaming into a forest.

so, anyway. there is this band called Saosin, if you're Mormon you've at least heard of them probably. because it's a big deal when any fellow Mormon is in the lime light, and their current singer Cove Reber is a Latter Day Saint.

when Saosin was formed in 2003 however, Cove was not a part of the band. They created the band with singer Anthony Green. (Cove was actually a huge fan of Saosin before he joined.) they recorded one album and then Anthony decided to part in 2004 as he was not satisfied with musical direction of the band. No hard feelings. So, they held auditions for new singers and because of his vocal similarity, Cove was in.

SIX YEARS LATER,

Anthony Green has created TONS of music for people to enjoy, Circa Survive, The Sound of Animals Fighting, and my personal favorite, his solo work.

Cove Reber has continued on with Saosin, touring and becoming vastly popular.

My rant is this:

people still have the audacity to make comments like: "i miss anthony green in saosin."

ummm.... i'm sorry but Cove is more a part of Saosin than Anthony Green. He has more than paid his dues. And Anthony Green clearly couldn't have been successful in a band that he wasn't musically compatible with. we've gotten double the great music out of this and i am quite frankly tired of hearing comments like that. mostly because i know that people just throw that out to sound cool. because they want people to think they know what they're talking about, they've been with saosin from the beginning.

even if that's the case, SHUT UP. you sound like a class of '78 quarter back who can't let go of the day he blew the state championship.

that is all. like you care.

previews, tyra banks, and other various enigmas of life.

Buckle up kids, this is about to be a smörgåsbord of blogging.

First and foremost. I would like to discuss the pressing issue at hand, previews. Honestly, I love previews when I'm in the movie theater. Dane Cook helped me better understand why when he explained that people love previews because we get to be movie critics for 15 minutes. Preview after preview we will turn to who ever we're at the movies with and say "Oh, that looks good!" or, "LAME." you know, so on and so forth.
But the real problem here, is movies that are decietful. Or in other words, all the good parts are in the preview.
A prime example of this, is The Invention of Lying. I almost walked out on that movie. I mean really. It felt like, when you're watching your 5 year old nephew put on a play and he's got it goin on in the first 10 minutes, but then really doesn't know how to tie everything together to make a good ending. So he starts making up bizarre crap (sort of like the 4th twilight book.... i mean, not like i read it or anything................................okay i did.), and you're all like, "if you're weren't so effing cute, i end this shi by lighting your set on fire." But in the movies, it's not cute. It's a problem.

the second PROBLEM, and i have to overemphasize what a problem she is: Tyra mother loving Banks. I hate her. But she's like a car accident, or a parade of drag queens, you don't want to look, but you can't peel your eyes away from the situation, no matter how much your retnas are burning.
my guilty pleasure is America's Next Top Model. I hate that watching it requires some form of supporting Tyra's career. I think my feelings can best be summed up in a small note to the Queen herself.
Tyra-
Okay. Look. We get it. You're a model. You've walked in the most high fashion shows on earth, and we haven't. We get it, you think you were homeless for a day because you think that wearing overalls and hanging out with bums for 8 hours makes you one of them. I now understand that it's possible to change your entire persona by "smeyezing" And thankfully, so does Larry King. I think my most favorite thing about you, is that you continue to be overweight to prove a point, but yet you still support the industry that could possibly be the the root of the problem for most body image issues, AND eating disorders. Well that, and your ability to be one of those most self involved human beings on earth. Looove it. Anyway, what I am trying to say is, you'll never be Oprah. But keep up the hard work, I know how exhausting it must be to talk about your accomplishments 24/7.
-Kynslie

Lastly, I love Justin Timberlake.

my new home

So after 30 not-so-treacherous but sometimes treacherous hours in the car. I am finally in ATLANTA.

I have only been here for 3 days but everyday I am more and more glad that I am here.

Everything is exciting and I am excited to be here!

It's great to be with Jamie again. And to have Taylor as my real life boyfriend and not just as a internet lover.

I'm too lazy to type a lot. But it's warm here.

Anyway, I finally feel at home again.

"Houston, We have a Beautiful Spanish Speaking Native American."

So, Ashley, or as I like to call her, A**ley. Left back in October.

I miss her.

But I've been terrible at writing her. As I warned her that I might be. SO on top of actually writing her a letter, purchasing the clothing she asked me to purchase, and sending her our USPS Messenger, I am about to do something some would call a tribute, to a love affair so passionate not even Romeo and Juliet could top it.

The love affair between Ashley Case and Adam Lazzara, and his music.

So I have challenged myself to compile a note to Ashley from me using at least one line from every Taking Back Sunday song that ever existed, possibly even pre-Adam TBS.

And so here we go:

Dear Hna Case,

Have you seen the girl with my heart on her sweater? Sorry that I couldn't make you stay. Placing pieces on the floor, of all the things that we loved before. Maybe it wasn't good enough, but I gave you all I could. So go on, go and take on the world. You're going to be a star someday. Do you remember the time when you and I were fine? You're such a sucker for a sweet talker but we won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.

If we go down, we go down together, best friends means you've got this silly way of keeping me on the edge of my seat. And you know I’m not one for complaining, but I love the way you’d roll excuses off the tip of your tongue. It's times like these, where silence means everything.

Stop it, come on, you know I can’t help it. I got the mic and you got the mosh pit. Regardless if my pictures they don't line your mirror, regardless, you know that I'll still wait for your call. The TRUTH is you could slit my throat And with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

I’m only complaining to keep myself busy.

I'm sorry it took me so long to come around. Oh, but can’t you, can’t you feel it rolling off your lips.. Go on just say it, You need me like a bad habit. We used to be this dying breed, I've got a bad feeling about this. So, we're talking forever, and you almost feel better but, better's no excuse for tonight.

"Splintered but focused" you're as good as gold. You're built from distractions so brilliantly dull. You said it makes you want to fall in love or be smart enough to keep your distance. You can't decide, you can't decide.

All tired, scream safe haven, let's get this out and on the table... We could live through these letters or forget it all together. See, the months, they don't matter it's the days I can't take. When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away.

Passed out in our school clothes so we'd wake up in our Sunday's best. Well I pictured you in blue. But I have to say I'm more partial to the red. Deep, dark, and devastating. And then you said a little more about your dreams, like that was my call.

You're so sensitive. I am, I am a machine. I'm an addict for dramatics, I confuse the two for love, less is more except when it comes to mistakes.

We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing"You're safe, child, you are safe." It says, "You, oh, you are so cool."

I heard that this is where, where the party is. Are you coming home? (Well, are you coming home?) It gets easier with doses of time. Yeah, we're stubborn and melodramatic. A real class act. You see, I know a few of your favorite things. Reminders, they are not reluctant. So stop me if you've heard this one before.

Would you do it again, again and count backwards from ten? Well you don't know where I've been. The closer that I look is just the further that you get. Already, stubborn skin thickens in attempt to understand.

I keep my grammar well rehearsed. Correct each stutter, every slur. There is no place on God's great Earth, where you can go to hide from me. So go prove to the world, what you already proved. (Cause you ain't workin' for them anymore.)

How long before I'm just before I'm just a memory? You are a Sunday afternoon, with nothing to do. You are Manhattan in June.

All I ever did was look up to you, so I'll put my money where my mouth is... And I put my money where my mouth was, so good enough's as good as it's gonna get. I am a mantle, and you are a painting. Come rest your frame on me. We happened before we knew what was happening.

You quote the good book, when it's convenient. You can't blame a girl for stickin' to what she knows. You're better off believing everything you heard was true. Won't you take your time with me? You told me you ain’t gonna miss it. But If you, you see something then you should say something. (geniune and unprepared.)

Well, we assure you the procedure is safe and routine. So come around again and I'll show you what I mean. cause I don't think that you know what you've been missing.

And I wish you weren't worth the wait cause there's some things I'd like to say to you...

Love, Slie.

Sorry to get all Rascal Flatts on you. But..

I once had a dear friend, we'll call him Tyrone. Because that's his name. Tell me:

"This is the course some take to find love. It's a bitter, brutal, and sometimes unnecessary course but nonetheless, the course. Why? Because it makes the end so much more worth it. You'll never really appreciate the heaven you find in somebody unless you go through hell with everybody else."

And at the time, it was sound advice. But it wasn't applicable. The funny thing is that when he said this to me, I was only a week away from meeting the "one" (Even though, I wouldn't KNOW he was the "one" until a couple of months later.)

I can now FULLY grasp the concept of finding heaven in somebody, and aside from the couple of times I get upset about it, I am GRATEFUL for the hell I went through.

I’m finishing the year out strong, I found that guy everyone knew I needed, but I never thought he existed. The one that makes my heart pound. That makes me laugh. And laughs at my jokes, even when they’re stupid. The one that rubs my feet and sends me cards on our “weekiversaries” The one that cleans my whole house just to be sweet. The one who is patient with my PMS.

I found the one who WANTS to make me happy. and I want to make him happy too.

Open Faced Cubicle: Blessing in Disguise.

SO in August. I had a half-week long getaway in Hotlanta. I left work, excited and relieved to have a break from the building that consumes the majority of the days of my youth.

My trip was awesome, and for once in my life, I wasn't all that thrilled to come back to my real life in Utah.

Sunday night (when I got home) I recieved a text from a co-worker letting me know that we had moved cubicles. I was a little bit upset about this, but not too worried about it.

When I got in on Monday morning I ventured back to my new "pube cube" and when I realized that they stuck me in one of the open faced cubicles on the end, I was a lot more angry about it than what the situation called for. But I brushed it off, and decided to just hate my job instead.

It was the worst thing ever, to feel like you were basically sitting in the hallway. Everyone was rubber necking it when they walked by. I hated it. No seriously, I HATED it.

BUT, that was over four months ago, and my perspective has changed a little.

The first blessing would be my privacy screen. It's a thin black screen that makes it impossible for anyone not sitting in my seat to see what i am doing.

But the most important thing here, are the sights I see. Meaning, the people.

The outfits people choose to wear in a casual dress work enviroment, would BLOW YOUR MIND.

Now, I wouldn't call myself some pretentious fashionista or anything, but I like to think that I am not out to keep the 90's style alive or anything like that.

FIRST: Aladdin pants girl. She's what we in "the biz" like to call mind blowing. she wears these pants like everyday. I don't care who you are. This is not fashion forward. It's fashion backward. It's gross. Esp. when you wear them with tennis shoes.

SECOND: Pretty recently, with the weather getting to be freezing balls and what not, some people wear their coats around the office. Someone has taken it to a whole new level. She walks around the office all day wearing this. You know what? I get it. It's cold. But let's take it down a couple hundred notches eh?

And LAST (for now): There is a particularly effeminate male who's sexual orientation is none of my business and totally irrelevant ("not that there's anything wrong with that..") Anyway, it's not his dress that kills me, it's his walk. it puts Tyra to shame and it would make Miss J Alexander WEEP. He walks like it's for sale and the rent is due TONIGHT.

anyway, this post was a waste of everyone's time. but it's my life.