Do you know Lionel?

"This is gonna be awkward, and it's gonna hurt my crotch."

That's what she said.

We rolled up 2 hours early with high hopes and a deck of cards. Before heading to the line, we took pictures by a gnome on a wall. We were amongst the first ten in line. The sun was hot, too hot for springtime. We plopped on the ground with excited hearts and began the waiting process...

I went and bought some water at a taco stand, I saw a potential bum wearing an all white suit with grass stains at the ankles. He smiled at me. I looked in the windows of some of the stores on 2nd South and some people in Good Times getting tatoos or getting inked, if you will. And a woman next door meeting with architects discussing the plans of her soon-to-be McMansion. I get back, we drink our waters and then Ashley and I head back to my car and walk over to the bus stop to urinate. We almost got hit by tracks. Fun.

6:00PM hits, it's time to go in, we're already sweaty suddenly the line splits and we are no longer the first. We are mad. We get molested. We are in the second row. We are mad again. But then, we have optimism, that's when the sweet bro's showed up. And we still had optimism. Until I get beaten by the sweet bro's, Al gets crushed, and a fatty strikes Ash in the throat. I was the first to go, in my head, while Envy on The Coast is playing, I look up at the freaky singer and think, "You're not worth this, peace out." And I slip out the back, but I didn't actually slip, I stuck to all the sweaty bodies until I started throwing bows. THEN they got out of my way. I go find my place off to the side as I usually do, Anberlin starts playing, I was enjoying myself, and then a sweaty fat kid emerged from the crowd. Shouting and driping and flailing his arms. I stared at him. He looked back at me, then continued on with his soggy enthusiam. All of the sudden texts started shooting into my phone from everyone who got seperated, "Where are you?" "Where are you?" "Where are you?" Consequently, I was tired of the cigarette smoke, the over-moshed sweaty super fan, and the creepy kid wearing cargo shorts looking at me like he's hungry. So I bailed. I find Al standing on a table in the back of the room, so I got on the table with her, soon after, Ashley shows up and got on the table with us. This turned out to be a really good spot. Candis, still hadn't turned up, but I knew that she stayed up there and rode it out. She'd die for Anberlin really, not that they are the types to expect that, but she would. In between sets, I watched everyone trip on the same step, in the same place, over and over. I glanced over to see a couple being obscence on and inoperative aracde game. I threw up in my mouth. Suddenly, a DRUNK girl is looming in the doorway of the bathroom across the room, she throws herself against the wall and starts dancing like a stripper who's ready to make the big bucks. Her babysitter/friend is trying to keep her under control, when suddenly the little lush takes a tumble, a pretty hard one. Her babysitter/friend goes down with her. I am both stunned, and amused. What is it about being a drunken fool that appeals to people? Get back to me on that. Then we saw a dead girl. That's right, dead. Or passed out. But I like to pick the path of most dramatic. So, dead girl. We spend the rest of the night table dancing and forgetting that we wanted to dismember the sweet bros. TBS ended with MakeDamnSure, we made it count. Then we wait on an unkempt couch hoping to catch a glimpse, of anyone of the rockers that we love so. Were standing by the merch table when suddenly Ashley latches onto my arm and is trembling, I looked up and there he is in all his microphone swinging glory, Adam Lazzara. She tries to call for him, but all that comes out is a mere whisper "Hey...." So sad. So we left and headed for Denny's where Allie and I ate french toast and Ashley puked in the bathroom. Hot.

Eventful. Not ideal, but worth it for sure.

It's my Birthday, and I'll do what the F I want.

I've been wanting to do this for awhile. Publicly.. for attention.

In 8th Grade, I was in Mrs. Highams english class, which consisted of only 2 boys, the rest were girls. Every once in awhile Mrs. Higham would tell us we were to free write for 5 minutes (or some amount of time.) straight without stopping. It didn't have to flow, we had to keep going. I always loved this, and celebrated internally as the rest of the class moaned and groaned.

So, seven years later, here I am. And I am about to free write my A off. So ladies and gents, hold onto your skirts and dongs.

10 Minutes
So I guess this is me freewriting again. I always told myself I would do this all the time but I never did, until now. It's probably going to take me just a minute to get warmed up but I willl keep trying. Right now, as of RIGHT THIS SECOND I am sitting on my bed staring at a wall that I should decorate. I've lived here for a year and I havent done much as far as interior decorating goes. But I dont think I would be very good at it. I care too much about what other people think, because sometimes I feel like I am more like a man, and have no taste. Who knows really. This townehome isnt the aves, and quite frankly, I am just a regular girl. Like all the rest. Before you know it, my hair will be poofy and I will be saying "Good Del" and meaning it. lets be honest, I already do that. When I was little I had an imaginary friend named Bochie. this may seem strange to you but I loved Bochie more than I've ever loved any man to this day. He was amazing, he didn't have a face, but he lived in the city that was in my walls. when I was falling asleep I would talk to him. Sometimes I would create other people to come play, but I had to face the facts, they weren't Bochie, he was one of a kind. I wonder what he's up to these days.. Being a little kid ruled. The only thing I hated was getting in trouble. I remember getting soap in my mouth a lot, but I don't really remember what I said to get the soap there. Which is weird, but maybe that's the whole point of the soap. TOUCHE! Mission accomplished. "Don't fall in love with me. I'm not worth loving" He said. He said that to me. It's been on my mind. What a ridiculoous thing to say, I mean, I guess I am that kind of girl who needs a warning label, because I am stupid, but whatever. I won't then, thanks for the warning kid. Life is so ridiculous, but you know what else is ridiculous? Effing Disney movies, I don't care for them at all. Except last year, I watched Cinderella so I could point out the "That's What She Said." Moments, and I have to tell you, there was more than I expected. You should try it sometime, with any Disney movie really. I also want everyone to know that "That's what she said" did not come from The Office. I am not sure WHERE it came from but it was on Waynes World, "Are you through yet because I'm getting tired of holding this?" It's perfect really, really, perfect. I am out of things to say, this didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped but maybe when I think of something more clever to begin with I will start a new one of these, usually I have a lot of things on my mind, but I shut down when I feel pressured. That's ridiculous as well, because it's self inflicted pressure. Entirely self inflicted. I have less than a minute left.. so

Done.

Interview With A Valley Girl.

I'm no Ann Rice. But I'll do my best.

So, here I am. In Utah, surrounded by Utah girls. You know the type? The no personality, blonde, sometimes brunette, "I KNOW! RIGHT?!" Spilling out of their mouth constantly, poofy hair, obsessed with clothes and marriage, and they like totally love shopping it's their fave ever thing to do ever.

I thought to myself, I should get better aquainted with one of these chicks, that way maybe I won't be so like totally harsh on them. Saaad!!!

I met a BREATHTAKING young woman by the name of AshLyn Kelsi, she was like so darling.

Fortunately for me, upon explaining to her what interview meant, she agreed to let me do so. And also, fortunately for me, she LOVED to tell me about herself. So I started out with some simple questions.

ME: "AK, is it okay if I call you AK?"

AK: "OH MY HECK! Yes, That's totally the coolest ever relly.."

ME: "Sweet, So then AK, let's get to know the REAL you--the rel you i mean. What is your favorite color?"

AK: "Haha, Umm... Well I like, really like like pink. Pink is like way cute for suresies."

ME: "Cuuute. ME TOO! OH EM GEE!"

AK: "I KNOW RIGHT?! Haha"

ME: "Where do you like to shop ?"

AK: "Well like mostly just hollister, if I am like not wanting to spend a lot of money, and sometimes... don't tell I go into Aero cause they sometimes like have way good dels. but not like good dels like hollister where like you pay 30 bucks only for like a way cuute cuter shirt. ya know? But like most of the time I spend all my time at Abercrombie, i like relly like the atmosphere, like ya know?"

ME: "I so know. I belong in Abercrombie. SO what are your hobbies, what is AK all about really?"

AK: "Like I relly like to go to the gym. But i like to get way cute before I go. cuz you never know what super hotties might be liftin. I dont relly like to werk out or anything sweaty gross like that but like yeah. Oh and I totally like to set like at my friends and watch one tree hill. one tree hill is like seriously SUCH a good show. I like to do har. like way cute harstyles are my total fave. im relly good at doing har. I know like the best ways to tease it to get like a good amount of poof. cause like poofy har is like seriously cute. All my best friends tell me so. I like to talk to boys. boys are way like fun. SHOPPING! OH MY HECK I couldnt live without shopping."

ME: "You're seriously way orig. Serious. But anyway, what kind of car do you drive?"

AK: "I drive a 06 VW BEetle. It's yellow. Oh my heck it is so cute. it is such a cute car. Its a convertable. in the summer i love to put the top down and listen to 97.1 ZHT and wait fer my fave ever song by Secondhand Serenade who PS is the most amazing band ever."

ME: "SO, I guess they're your fave band ever, who else do you listen to?"

AK: " Well, I like like dashboard confessional, and like BSB is totally gonna make a come back. a lot of times i will listen to like taylor swift when i have a breakup or a new bf cause she soooo tells it like it is. but like yeah i just like whats on the radio but sometimes when i am way mad i listen to way heavy stuff like all american rejects but i just like people to know that there's more to me than like poofy cute hair and a nice tan, like i can get angry too ya know?"

ME: "Oh yeah, totally. Last Question, Tell me about your goals in life.."

AK: "Like I guess to get married before I turn 19, be a mom, go to har school. maybe har school. i dont know but like... yeah. OH and get that way hot top thats at abercrombie before next weekend. Oh and can I just say something ..one more thing?"

ME: "Go ahead."

AK: "I LOVE YOU CHEER GIRLS you guys are like soooo awesome and cute! you are seriously like the best. you make fill way good when im like way sad. So yeah. oh and i love my ward! except the girls with ugly har."

ME: "Thanks cutie."

AK: "I know, right?"