I'm not a woman anymore, I'm a mom.

Yes, I have flaws. What are they? Well for one, sometimes I become obsessed with making the world a better place.

Which is why I want to talk to you today MOM JEANS.

Whenever I see a fly lady rockin' this type of swag, i this song instantly starts playing in my mind. (to fully enjoy this post, i suggest playing that in the background while you read.)

For those of you that know little to nothing about Mom Jeans, prepare to be educated.

According to wikipedia:

Mom jeans is a satirical term for a perceived fit of women's jeans considered very unflattering, consisting of a high waist (a few inches above the belly button), which accentuates a flat curvature of the buttocks, as well as generous cuts in the stomach and leg. Usually the jeans are in a light-blue coloring, solid with no form of Stone washing. Other attributes of the Mom jeans style often seen are pleated fronts, partially elastic waistbands, and blouses tucked in to the jeans.

But in all seriousness, the mom jeans epidemic is not a joke. Millions of families suffer every year from shame, embarrassment, and pleat related injuries. Some families are even given false hope to see that their mother has given up mom jeans, only to find that she has traded them in for a boob job and ed hardy jeans.

Fortunately though, times they are a changin'.

HOWEVER! BE WARNED: MOM JEAN MANUFACTURERS HAVE NOT GIVEN UP THE FIGHT.

They are getting sneakier and more innovative. I have seen it first hand. Normal girls, not anywhere near being a mom, falling victim to the stealthy, less obvious breed of mom jean.The most common victim is the overly confident girl. The one who shops alone, or with their mother with little fashion sense. The one who thinks she has every boy's heart on lockdown. The one who thinks her cuteness trumps all ugliness that she may betroth. I am here to tell you, you will bag no honorable men wearing high wasted jeans, and no cuteness in the world can save you.

Here are some simple guidelines to save you from the pain and humiliation of falling victim to mom jeans:

1) NO ELASTIC WAIST BANDS. NOT FOR DENIM, EVER.

2) Whenever possible, steer clear of high waists.

3) The zipper should never be more than 4 inches long.

4) The back pockets should never even come close to covering your entire buttcheek.

5) The front pockets should always be small enough to never serve any purpose other than to fit some chapstick and maybe a couple of quarters for a diet coke later.

6) When in doubt, listen to Chingy.

Don't let this happen to you!