..and then i roundhouse kicked the president..

Typically, my boyfriend (as seen on the far right in bed with his brother and their boyfriend.) will sleep until about 5 PM unless he gets a reasonable wakeup call from yours truly. He claims that he has sleep apnea. I can neither confirm nor deny this because contrary to what I will tell his grandma if she ever asks and also the prefix I selected on my iTunes account [Dr. Kynslie Coffin], I am not a doctor. At any rate, just to clarify, further testing is needed to determine what is wrong with him.

Whenever Tay wakes ME up in the morning with a phone call, he always tells me how cute my morning voice sounds. Oh how I wish I could say the same about him. He sounds like cookie monster but with a sore throat. (I choose this video because cookie monster is sitting with a less cute red head and that's what Taylor is into. You're welcome dear.) I have no other way to describe what he sounds like to you without doing an impression. So that's all you get.

Needless to say, on the phone, since he is tired and is basically gnawing on his phone while he speaks, it's nearly impossible to understand what he is saying. This wouldn't be a problem if the phone call went like this, RING RING RING tay: "*scratchy voice*..hello?" me: "hey!" tay: "dgkljskdjglkjglskjglkjsdglkjs?" me: "um.... good. anyway it's 10:30, so get up." tay: "k" me: "okay love you." hang up. because for the most part, i can just guess what he's saying and he wont know the difference.

BUT!

That is not how the story unfolds, without fail, he will always say (aka mumble/gurgle) "I had the craziest dream last night." and then I know I'm in for it. It's not so much that I don't care about his dreams, but they are ALL crazy, and none of them make any sense and usually I'm not in them. And we all know how self involved I am.

So typically this is how it goes down:

Tay: "I had the craziest dream last night..."
Me: "Cool."

Tay: "So me and this grrrurururrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr gugghhhhhhhhhhhrgurhghhgh ghruhrrrurururuurururughghhghghghghghghhgru gurhguhrguhrughurhg hhrgruuruhguhg hgurhguhrughruhgurhgurhguhg and then he had a knife hfhuehguheughehheg ehuugheuhgughguhu guhuehuehgeuhegh and then a you turned into a goose hgurehgurhughurhgurgh rughurhgurhguh ghhghguruur rhr rhughruhgurhhrhghur and you're gonna get mad but then i had a sexual encounter with Katherine Heigel rughrughhhghghghghhgghurhrughruhgurhgurhguhhgrruhgugurhgrh and then we were running hguhrguhrughurhgurhgurhgurghurhgruhgruhgurhg and everyone in Korea was eating Penis Jerky. hguehguheuheuhgurughruhguhg and then i roundhouse kicked the president in the fkn face! ghurhruhghghghghghurururururuhgh hgurhg urhgurh hgurhughrhh gguutututururururururuur hguuehugh and then i was pregnant like arnold swaguheuhgueghgg in that one movie he was pregnant in ghuerhruhrhrhruguggguuhggghghhgg and then the purple pig i gave birth to bit my nipple off and you died so i started dating this fat chick."

Me: *....stopped paying attention and hasn't realized it's over.*

Tay: "So isn't that crazy?"

Me: "Oh yeah."

Tay: "What was your favorite part?"

Me: "When it was over."

Now I'm sure some psycho freak girl who is secretly in love with him his reading this drooling over her fantasy about how much better she could treat him than me and thinking "what does he see in her??" and what I say to you young sirs, is that I am great in bed.

not really. who knows.