Sure, I posed. I needed the money.

This is simply a compilation of thoughts, since I don't feel I take advantage of the privilege of having a blog nearly enough. Some of them might not make sense, and may offend you, but consider yourself warned.

• A word of advice to women out there. It is NOT acceptable for a boy to make you cry. Yeah maybe you overexaggerate the situation cause you were blessed with unreasonable amounts of estrogen. But if he says something hurtful to you or about you, dump his A. Seriously. You'll find better.

• The ball to penis ratio was unreasonable.

• Weird people are bothersome. Not like the kind of weird people who are cool and intriguing but the people who think that being poor means you can only afford to wear clothes that are EXTREMELY out of date. I'm pretty poor myself, but it's called a clearance rack. Look into it. Pre-teens are especially weird, sometimes I stare at them and think of my greasy haired braces days and feel SO sorry for them that it's almost painful to look. But once I get over my pity for them, I go back to wanting to throw something blunt at their head. Just because you have hair growing in weird places doesn't mean you have to take it out on everyone else, freaks.

• I love beards. I really do, I'm toying with the idea of making it a prerequisite for my EC. Must grow a full sexy beard. Speaking of beards, today is my first Sunday of redemption, I must prove to hot beardie that I am not an idiot. Wish me luck, cause I'm nervous.

• I am less than 4 months away from getting a well deserved roundhouse kick to the face., or a hug, a hug will do. I'm so excited for Timothy to come home. I could scream! Eeek.

• Being happy is a really strange feeling when you went through months of being conditionally happy. But it's totally a good feeling. It makes everything seem a little bit more funny too. Even the stuff that should normally be depressing, like these days if fall down my stairs and my blood starts to pool on the kitchen tile, i might have a really good laugh about it. Instead of being concerned that I have a huge head wound that should definitely get looked at.

• Shoot, I just realized that the above scenario really could happen. I should be more cautious.

• She's dancin with the cream... I love that there's so many different forms of crazy. There's crazy people that kill people, and then there's crazy people that do this - dance on Melrose with Josh Kalis' DC shoes on

• I love you Max Bemis.

• If you got tattoos above your vagina, you're a dirty girl.

Wangs and Dongs.

Dear Male Gender (discluding my father),

I hate you today, possibly for the remainder of the week too.

Love Always,
Kynslie.

It's me, Margaret.

At age 12, I recieved a "gift" from mother nature.

Mother nature, I should punch you in ribs for that. You totally deserve it.

(This gift is the reason I don't feel guilty littering from time to time. )

The thing about this gift is that there's lots to it. Lots of unpleasant things. It's not, bam I bleed for 5-7 days, and then it's over. Bloody brings his uninvited friends, Crampy, Bloaty, Moody, HeadAchey, and if we're lucky, Fatiguey.

And here we sit, as women who are forced into a menstrual cycle without permission. And if we even say, "I am on my period." Men have the audacity to tell us, "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!! Stop talking about it!!" as if we OWE it to them to keep our mouths shut about it, or it's painful for them to HEAR about it. Well my male friends. you GET to hear about it; I bleed out of my blessed crotch for FIVE to SEVEN days. I have the option to either A) Shove a cotton torpedo up there to prevent a mess or B) Tape a small mattress-like apparatus to the lining of my underwear, much like a diaper. or C) Worst case scenario, if the bleeding is really extreme, an actual diaper. As I listed before there are many other symptoms that come along with this unsought infirmity.

But, it doesn't end there. The reason that we have this cycle is so that we are able to reproduce. And word on the street is that child bearing and child birth, is even more FUN and EXCITING! So I've got that to look forward to.. And this is to be continued when I get to that chapter in life.
Period.

Realm of Trend.

So, it's been a real long while since i've written anything.

My last post was borderline ridiculous. No, i take that back, it definitely crossed the border into ridiculous, without a passport at that. But it was chuckle worthy (for myself) nonetheless.

I've been putting a lot of thought into what i should make my next blog about. I've toyed with several ideas but they all seemed a bit too blatantly negative, targeted at one assemblage of idiots. (Maybe next time.)

So, with that I said, I decided to talk a little about about what my life would currently be like if it were ideal for me (which it isn't, it's tolerable, but not ideal).

I would live in the avenues of Salt Lake City. It would be incredibly trendy and indie oriented, my life. I would dream of moving to New York City one day, but deep down, know I fit in best in the salty city. I would have a small one bedroom house furnished with priceless possesions i found at various garage sales and antique stores around the valley, and of course, IKEA. (Cause i'm euro-trendy like that.) I would have a huge bookshelf filled with books I would have every intent to read, but honestly never end up reading them. I would have lots of abstract art clinging to my walls. Plus, a giant poster of Audrey Hepburn, cause Hepburn is the new Monroe. And I knew that cause I keep up with those sort of things.

I would start my morning off in my yellow kitchen with some toast. I would shower and throw my hair in a messy bun, without blow drying. i would put on my skinny jeans, and some sort of vintage Lennon tee. Then I would feed my cat, Lux and my bird, Jimmy Page, and water my plants before I left. i would grab my ipod, and my scarf. As I approached the door I would stare at my shoes, trying to decide whether i should where my hemp woven slip ons, or my chuck taylors. Ultimately I would choose the slip ons cause i didnt feel like bothering with the trouble of laces.

I would prance down the steps and think how i need to mow my lawn, but how i was putting it off because since i decided to go green, i only used a push mower. I would stuff my headphones in my ear and put my ipod on shuffle, something like Ingrid Michaelson, or The Smiths would start playing.

I would spend the day on foot, at the farmers market for groceries, grabbing a bite to eat at a vegan cafe. I may or may not slip in and out of some book stores and antique stores trying to find that perfect something that would finally satisfy me, without any luck of course. After a few hours I would head home and start making a fresh salad with some of the vegetables from my garden.

Then, my boyfriend, his name would be something like Mason or Avery. He would come over with some friends and play his accoustic and talk to us about how music has never been the same since Hendrix left the scene. I would stare at him and think about how hot he was. With his elegantly dishelved hair, and he suit coat over his faded tee.

After everyone left he would give me a private show of his latest melodical concotion. And i would fall a little more in love with him for a moment. He would then tell me the reason he liked me so much was because I was so different and non-coformist. Before he left at around 1:00 AM he would so graciously take the recycling out for me and tell me that i needed to come to his open mic night the following week. And since he looked so good, and i was tired, i would agree, even though i hated that sort of thing, it had become just a little too swank to play the guitar, and i was over it.

Then i would kiss him goodnight, and head for my bedroom where my cat would be waiting for me. I would brush my teeth, wash my face, and throw on an old t shirt. (i wouldn't wear pants to bed. cause i don't do that now, and that's my favorite ritual, in fact, to be brutally honest, when i get home from work, i remove my pants as soon as possible. its like stress relief.)

I would fall asleep and dream of trendy things, and smile in my sleep cause i was so utterly satisfied with my trendy lifestyle.

Brad is such a stinker.

My boyfriend (fiance now i guess, tee hee) Brad, you might know him, his last name is Pitt, he's been in a couple movies. Anyway, he's so silly! He took me to the golden globes with him and he suprised me with a BIG FAT ROCK in the limo! that's why i am so excited in my pic. I couldn't believe it, he was like, "Kynslie, i'm not getting any younger, even though i'm aging beautifully, i'm tired of the whole 'let's adopt 8 thousand kids' thing with Angelina, and I'm ready to be with you for the rest of my life." and i was so excited cause for some reason he's been keeping me a secret. he told me not to tell anyone yet, but like i could hold it in. anyways. i can't wait to start my new life with him.

p.s. sorry my dress is immodest, Brad's stylist insisted that's the only way for me to one up his ex lovers. so i sold out my beliefs for a night.

Worlds Greatest Guitar Hero? Try again.

Listen, Let me start off by saying, I love to play Guitar Hero as much as the next guy. It's fun. There's no denying that. But I must say, I would never judge a man by how good he was at a VIDEO GAME!

This game is wildly popular, a game that has swept the nation off of it's feet in a face melting romance, prudes and punks alike. I'm sure if you totaled up the amount of hours human beings have wasted thus far on this video game (myself included) it would be a staggering amount. Days wasted, maybe even months?

Regardless of how fun this may be, I stumbled upon a video on youtube today that make me laugh, cry, and want to punch my computer screen all in one swoop.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpSbuc6EEFI&feature=related (if you'd like to see for yourself)

This young man with a slight lisp, is claiming to be the true guitar hero. It is sickening. He is claiming this because he can beat Dragonforce's complex song, Through the Fire and The Flames on expert 100%. Granted, this song is very hard to beat, I am sure. But my friend, you are NOT the true guitar hero. Let us give some credit to Herman Li and Sam Totman, the guitarists for Dragonforce. After all, they are the ones who can ACTUALLY PLAY THIS SONG ON A REAL GUITAR!!

You can find hundreds upon hundreds of videos that are posted to impress with people playing this song, and other Dragonforce songs on guitar hero, and getting a high score. But you don't seem to see very many people impressed with the true musicians here.

In fact, upon watching the zit faced kid's video, I found another video interviewing Herman Li and he stated that even though the band was satisfied with the popularity of this song, they wished that their talent wasn't always tied to a video game. Video games are fantasy he said.

You can get pretty good at Guitar Hero within a matter of days, but it takes years of practice to become a real guitar legend. And the more we praise these geeks who think that this video game is going to make them famous in the music industry, the more we make them believe they have a real talent, when really, they do not. They just have too much time on their hands, and not enough pokemon cards to keep them busy.

Contrary to Popular Belief.

*Bright colored eye shadow shouldn't happen. Above, we see what i call, worst case scenario.




*Mustaches are actually really cool. . . . . most of the time.








*Belly shirts are not attractive, no matter how skinny (or not) you are.. Male or Female. ( i know this thing is wearing a bikini top, but it's hilarious)









*Driving a truck does not make you more important than the rest of us. No matter how lifted it is. But I would like to thank you again for cutting me off in the snow storm and getting in the way of my visibility, with no concern for anyone but yourself. You're a champion